As most of you know, I just got back from competing at Miss New York USA 2015. I didn't win. Neither did 99% of the other girls competing on that stage. But I felt great. I'm not going to do the whole "I'm proud of myself because I took a risk a lot of women aren't willing to take" speech because truthfully that's just not where my pride lies... Although that is something to be proud of. But what I will say is that I noticed so many so many negative Facebook/Twitter/Instagram comments from competitors or family/friends of competitors after the competition was over.
"I(You) should've won!" <-- You probably have 1 million amazing reasons why you would be a great titleholder but the winner also has 1 million amazing reasons why she will be a great titleholder.
"I(You) was(were) robbed!" <-- Lol no, you were only robbed if someone stole a belonging of yours, in which case, call the police.
"I(You) was(were) the prettiest one on the stage!" <-- Physical beauty is a matter of opinion and if you know anything about pageants, winners have A LOT more than physical beauty to offer the world. That's a big reason why interview is the first portion of the competition.
My biggest pet peeve of post-pageant pictures is when people are so angry after losing. I understand that so much hard work goes into a pageant... but EVERY girl works hard. Winner included. We put ourselves in a position to be judged based off of OPINION, not fact, because with beauty there is no right or wrong. So how can one be so angry after losing? Well... where do you put your worth?
This isn't just pageant related. It's related to everything in life. One of the most invaluable lessons i've learned from competing in pageants is that in order to be a happy and successful person I must not place my worth in one thing. Ever. Put 100% of your effort into everything you do but don't place your worth in one thing. You will lose all of your confidence and you will allow your happiness to become completely dependent on other people or things.
When I was standing on stage waiting to see who was going to be the 5th girl called into the top 5, I felt completely calm. They didn't call my name. My emotions didn't change. It didn't even pinch a nerve actually. I walked off the stage, excited to see who would be the new winner and I was looking forward to the next day! Why was I so calm and okay with this? Well... i'm balanced and I took responsibility for my own happiness, excitement and worth.
I ALWAYS make sure I have so many things to look forward to. I always know what's next if I win and what's next if I lose. I can't allow my future to become dependent on someone or something else.
Like most things in life, we are all capable of doing amazing things, having amazing jobs, bringing our own edge to the world. But in pageants, relationships, the work field or anything of the sort, we can't expect everyone else to pay each of us as individuals the attention that we pay ourselves. It's just not feasible. The judges, our boyfriends/girlfriends or our bosses don't see everything we have to offer. We do our best to showcase as much as we can, but we always know that they still don't know our capabilities because truthfully, our capabilities are endless! With that said, anger because of misplaced worth is so unhealthy. It's discouraging and inaccurate. It's also highly unfair to those people who win the pageant, get the job we want or get the relationship we want. We are all deserving of everything we want in this world. So is the person next to you.
Let's stop misplacing our worth. Let's start living more balanced lives. Let's take responsibility for our own future and happiness.